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Domestic violence
affects the lives of between one million and four million women each year
in the United States. These statistics seem to
be reflected in our own community, as few days go by without a report in
the news or an article in our local newspaper about the death or injury of
a woman by her intimate partner. In addition, there are frequently
reports of the deaths or injuries of men by their intimate partners in our
community. No matter how many incidents are reported, they are always
shocking and the tragedy involved affects us all.
Not as frequently reported, however, are the stories of survivors of
domestic violence who manage to leave their abusive relationships and begin
their lives anew without violence. Fortunately, those of us who work
at Safe Homes are aware of such stories of success although they do not
make the headlines.
One such success story involves a woman named Mary who entered our shelter
in February of 2005. (For purposes of protecting her identity, the
survivor's name and identifying information have been changed.) While
in our shelter, Mary searched for employment, attended our weekly support
groups, process groups, and life skills groups, received case management
and individual counseling, and worked with an attorney to file for divorce
and try to regain custody of her three young children. During her time in
our shelter, Mary obtained employment but lost her job due to absences
because of her legal struggles. Although visitation with her children
was ordered by the court, it never occurred. When Mary's exit date
from our shelter arrived, she was able to move into a home provided by a
local church. After living there three months, Mary obtained
employment and new housing. Staff at Safe Homes did not hear from
Mary until she attended support group two weeks ago.
Mary had the full attention of all the women in support group as she shared
her story. Mary reported that she is currently a student at a local
college, that she has divorced her husband, and that she has been granted
joint custody of her children. Mary shared what had been her darkest
moments with the group and encouraged each of the women not to give up on themselves
or on their resolve to end the cycle of violence in their lives.
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